best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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