so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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