And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
