I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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