There was a lot of him and a little penis
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
