You really coming over, don't trick.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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