I could make wine with my vomit
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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