My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize