Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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