also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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