clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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