TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize