Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
