yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dick very happy bro
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
