i don't like sucking hair
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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