Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize