talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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