Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
