im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
