What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
