u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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