I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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