i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
