Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
