sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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