I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
