My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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