I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
