drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
