theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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