He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
