3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
