Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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