And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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