Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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