Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
