sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
