I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The adults are the big ones right?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
