P.S. I can't hear my feet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
