the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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