we have pet lesbian snakes
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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