My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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