I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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