Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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