operation have a gay friend backfired
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
