I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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