but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
