despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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