My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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