It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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