He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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