Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
