Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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