I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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