How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
