Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
