so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
