We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
