Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
