ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize