After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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