I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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