I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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