then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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