I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
