Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
