I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
