I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
