Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize