please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
