why didn't you poke me back
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
