i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
