You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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