The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
