She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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