I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
