Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
