My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Enjoy the penises
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
