Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
