so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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