From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You ruined the universe
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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