did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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