I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
