it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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