Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
this hospital has no fireball
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
