Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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