Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
