hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
