Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
