Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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