turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
