her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
