I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize