omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
