trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
