he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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