Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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