he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize